Monday, September 25, 2006

Update on the Virgin Cousin

So...I am rockin my aunt and uncle's 25th wedding anniversary party and I am talking to my cuz M and his girl S (both 18) about VC (Virgin Cousins) BF.

COme to find out....according to S, who is reliable cause she is the only one who has seen said BF, since they all worked together.

Soooooo...BF, is 36 years old....VC is 22...NOW I have NOOOOOOOOOO problem with older men....as my friends know...the love of my life was an older man.....

But I do have a problem with a 36 year old man that lives in HALF a basement...yes HALF....fucker can't even rent a WHOLE basement...it is HALF....HALF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What the FUCK?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Ohhhhhh...AND mofo supposedly supplements his income as a "courier" i.e GOPHER for two offices....by working at a liquor store....so S told me...VC can only see BF between 11pm and 1am. Now see...she is a NAIVE virgin...who does not know enough to realize this is a low down shady fucker.....

Ohhhh....and the best part.....S said MOFO looks like a YOUNg Mr Rogers. Good news is......she can hum "Won't you be ...my neighbor..." while she's gettin her eagle on.....
Old Mr Rogers
Young Mr Rogers

1 comment:

Cali-Ho said...

OK...first a half basement in Cali will run you a cool half-million...so homeboy is well off by these standards. In the mid-west he would be a bombmaker...in the South, perhaps a moonshiner or crazy taxidermist and in the East...well either a terrible rapper or virgin-fucker. But remember, this fool is ballin' according to Cali real estate...shit, you are considered the dookie if you even have a basement.

Now...with that said...I am however, concerned with his age. Like my twin, I am down with the OB's (Old Balls), however, I am no virgin and Mr. Rogers scares the living shit out of me (COME ON NOW...a grown man that plays with puppets, sports cardigans, plays with trains and worst of all, wears Keds). My bad, back to the issue at hand...I understand why a younger woman would go to an older man for sexual guidance, buuuuuut...there are only 2 (TWO) reasons a guy goes after a virgin: 1) He is a psychotic controlling freak and wants to mold a ho after being her first, because some women, not all...but some, catch some feelings for their first; 2) He has a tiny penis and because she has no experience, she might no the fucking difference between a pork loin and a fruit roll up and he still gets to feel like a man.

I have a feeling it is #2. My advice...take her to a sex shop and MD's Mental Services and EDUCATE this po' hymen-challenged child.

Cali-Ho