First...do not read until you wake up. Now your rant makes you look retarded and delusional.
If I had seen a homeless hobo take a DUMP anywhere in my vicinity...you can bet your sweet ass I would go the hell home.
That being said....Baltimore Inner City is a ghetto...and a shit hole...you are right. But I only WORK there.....and it is not bad....most of the homeless people are quite funny.
Just that one dude grossed me out and I stood off to the side staring open-mouthed at him.
And the fact you run hobos over makes me laugh....I love that about you....I wish I could....but they are not on my side of the garage.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Baltimore Is Still A Shithole...But...
My rant still stands...but I read my twin's shit at 6am and misinterpreted her post. I thought she said that the hobo grabbed a cup and took a "dump" in it and drank it....not "dump" other contents and drink it. Minor oops.
Still fucking nasty and Baltimore is still nasty.
Cali-Ho
Still fucking nasty and Baltimore is still nasty.
Cali-Ho
Baltimore Is A Shithole....
Ok...I am very disturbed, to say the least, about the level of nastiness and poverty in Baltimore. Jesus Christ...hobos out here drink latte's and have their own MP3 players and beg money for a crossiant special at the local deli. But my ghetto-infested twin...I must give some serious props for actually going to work after seeing his Folgers a "brown shower", cuz I would have to urp a lil' and call into work, "Yo...Glenna...I need to speak to Livin' La Vida Loca (my Latina CEO)...waiting....waiting...Carmela? MIRA! I am outside of the building but my ass is rollin' home...why??? WHY??? Well, I do not think that hobos laying fecal burritos in grande cups and grubbin' on it is a conducive environment for my genius...you need to TCB (take care of bidnass for those ebonically challenged). Comprende? Palabra (word)."
But that is Cali...this is Baltimore...let's talk about it. Baltimore is a SHITHOLE. I know. I have been there. I was scared...and my ass has no problem rollin' to Oakland. SCARY! It is not the one of the most dangerous cities for nothing, yo. And I am scared for my ghetto/crime/hobo-foochie-eatin'-subjected twin. I am serious...muthafucking Colombia and the Congo are safer places. Screw Brad Pitt and Bono trying to raise money to save Africa...they need to have a fundraiser for Baltimore.
I am sorry boo-boos that you live in such a crappy place....I raise my Napa Valley tannons to you....chillin' outside at a nice 80 degrees and hobo-free.
And yes...I am expecting your crap about how I run them over, but that is one less hobo eating poo in front of me.
Peace out...
Cali-Ho
But that is Cali...this is Baltimore...let's talk about it. Baltimore is a SHITHOLE. I know. I have been there. I was scared...and my ass has no problem rollin' to Oakland. SCARY! It is not the one of the most dangerous cities for nothing, yo. And I am scared for my ghetto/crime/hobo-foochie-eatin'-subjected twin. I am serious...muthafucking Colombia and the Congo are safer places. Screw Brad Pitt and Bono trying to raise money to save Africa...they need to have a fundraiser for Baltimore.
I am sorry boo-boos that you live in such a crappy place....I raise my Napa Valley tannons to you....chillin' outside at a nice 80 degrees and hobo-free.
And yes...I am expecting your crap about how I run them over, but that is one less hobo eating poo in front of me.
Peace out...
Cali-Ho
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Crazy Homeless People Part II
Ahhh....another day in the ghetto.
SO I am rolling to work...again sipping on my non-fat white choco mocha from Starbuckies and I turn the corner to.... an ambulance outside of my building.
So now I am curious...but it wasn't a good curious....it was a "What the fuck is going on now?" curious.
So by the time I get to the door....said ambulance is gone. But I get the scoop from my homegirl the security guard.
She says...and I paraphrase quote "I got here this morning and THREE ma-fuckas are sleeping in the got damn doorway....three of 'em. So I told them they had to get up....well two of 'em did...the third guy talking about he can't get up ...he can't move I better call the ambulance...."
She she gives me one of her looks and continues. "Why, Dawn? Why they gotta do that shit to me early in the morning? I thought that shit was gonna stop when 'Our Daily Bread' (a homeless eatery) moved....so why they gotta sleep on our stoop? Why Dawn? Lord Jesus why?"
By now I am laughing too hard to answer her so I said as I walked to the elevators. "It's your own damn fault for putting those flowers out there....they think it's a hotel...you don't see there asses sleeping by the library......cause they think that is there bathroom...this building is the bedroom...."
As she gave me the evil eye....I took a sip of my WCM latter and laughed again as the doors closed and I began my day....
Until tomorrow kiddies....
PEACE! to the homeless
-The Hotness
SO I am rolling to work...again sipping on my non-fat white choco mocha from Starbuckies and I turn the corner to.... an ambulance outside of my building.
So now I am curious...but it wasn't a good curious....it was a "What the fuck is going on now?" curious.
So by the time I get to the door....said ambulance is gone. But I get the scoop from my homegirl the security guard.
She says...and I paraphrase quote "I got here this morning and THREE ma-fuckas are sleeping in the got damn doorway....three of 'em. So I told them they had to get up....well two of 'em did...the third guy talking about he can't get up ...he can't move I better call the ambulance...."
She she gives me one of her looks and continues. "Why, Dawn? Why they gotta do that shit to me early in the morning? I thought that shit was gonna stop when 'Our Daily Bread' (a homeless eatery) moved....so why they gotta sleep on our stoop? Why Dawn? Lord Jesus why?"
By now I am laughing too hard to answer her so I said as I walked to the elevators. "It's your own damn fault for putting those flowers out there....they think it's a hotel...you don't see there asses sleeping by the library......cause they think that is there bathroom...this building is the bedroom...."
As she gave me the evil eye....I took a sip of my WCM latter and laughed again as the doors closed and I began my day....
Until tomorrow kiddies....
PEACE! to the homeless
-The Hotness
Monday, June 04, 2007
Crazy Homeless People
Ok...as we all know...I am now working for a non-profit agency. It is located in the cit-ay. I mean the heart of Baltimore City. Now I am surrounded by homeless people as I make my block and a half trek from the garage to my building.
The other morning I am walking, listening to my mp3 player....sipping my latte when I see.....wait for it....the NASTIEST shit I have ever seen. I could only stare open mouthed as a homeless man dug in the TRASH for half empty bottles of drinkable liquid and proceeded to dump all of them into a cup and DRINK IT.
Yes I said drink it. I'll wait while you all gag.
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Back? Good. Now I will only say this.....I am not sure ALL of that liquid was actually soda/water/juice. You know what I'm sayin? How many guys have ever peed in a bottle? And we all know how nasty homeless people can be? Remember Antwon? On In Living Color? Exactly.....
That's all for now....until lata.
Peace Out
The Hotness
The other morning I am walking, listening to my mp3 player....sipping my latte when I see.....wait for it....the NASTIEST shit I have ever seen. I could only stare open mouthed as a homeless man dug in the TRASH for half empty bottles of drinkable liquid and proceeded to dump all of them into a cup and DRINK IT.
Yes I said drink it. I'll wait while you all gag.
..............................................................................................................................................................................
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..............................................................................................................................................................................
Back? Good. Now I will only say this.....I am not sure ALL of that liquid was actually soda/water/juice. You know what I'm sayin? How many guys have ever peed in a bottle? And we all know how nasty homeless people can be? Remember Antwon? On In Living Color? Exactly.....
That's all for now....until lata.
Peace Out
The Hotness
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Your Country Funk
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! (Sip of wine) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
OK...better....sorry about that.
Bitchy...Bitcharella....Bitchaneesha....if I did not know better, I have successfully transferred my crappy ass karma. But I will reflect on your bad incident as I would mine:
1) I WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree with my twin....WTF were you thinking not bringing booze to the hotel...I pack that crap before my toothbrush. Going out of town for work is the SHIT! You get to escape on someone else's dime. I like to get to my room...have a few vodkas...change into something swanky and chill in the hotel bar. Then strike up a nice conversation with a cute fellow traveller....I tell them I am a surgeon or I am a teacher for underprivildged hoolums or a nude model...depends on my sensitivity and guaging of him. I can never tell them I am a lobbyist because then they start giving me their philosophy on politics and their views like I GIVE A SHIT...kills the mood and makes me want to stab them with the doohickey holding the lime in my vodka. And after more drinks...retire to my room...tie him up and bust out the nacho cheese sauce...and well nevermind...you get my point. I am VERY disappointed in you...at least with the booze oozing out of your pores in the AM it might have offset the hoo-hoo funk emitting from your dirty underwear....which brings me to my next point.
2) WTF kind of packer are you???? Forgetting underwear is worse than forgetting booze...UNACCEPTABLE! Why???? Why so dirty???? And ho...I know how weak those blowdryers in the hotel are....how LONG did it take you to cook your nasties???? Again...deferring to my twin....go Ramba...I do all the time...it is pleasant and free.
3) Why did you attend that seminar? I would have called my work and told them, "Fuck that Miss Boss-lady". There is NO way I would chill for 7 hours in a room where NO ONE took a damn shower. I would have said that it is against basic hygiene and environmental laws and if they made me that I would sue them and make Erin Brokovich look like a fucking amateur.
4) Nice job with the KFC chicken...that is the SHIT. Love...love it!
Overall...I am sorry that you had to experience that shit, Dirty Ho.
Cali-Ho
OK...better....sorry about that.
Bitchy...Bitcharella....Bitchaneesha....if I did not know better, I have successfully transferred my crappy ass karma. But I will reflect on your bad incident as I would mine:
1) I WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree with my twin....WTF were you thinking not bringing booze to the hotel...I pack that crap before my toothbrush. Going out of town for work is the SHIT! You get to escape on someone else's dime. I like to get to my room...have a few vodkas...change into something swanky and chill in the hotel bar. Then strike up a nice conversation with a cute fellow traveller....I tell them I am a surgeon or I am a teacher for underprivildged hoolums or a nude model...depends on my sensitivity and guaging of him. I can never tell them I am a lobbyist because then they start giving me their philosophy on politics and their views like I GIVE A SHIT...kills the mood and makes me want to stab them with the doohickey holding the lime in my vodka. And after more drinks...retire to my room...tie him up and bust out the nacho cheese sauce...and well nevermind...you get my point. I am VERY disappointed in you...at least with the booze oozing out of your pores in the AM it might have offset the hoo-hoo funk emitting from your dirty underwear....which brings me to my next point.
2) WTF kind of packer are you???? Forgetting underwear is worse than forgetting booze...UNACCEPTABLE! Why???? Why so dirty???? And ho...I know how weak those blowdryers in the hotel are....how LONG did it take you to cook your nasties???? Again...deferring to my twin....go Ramba...I do all the time...it is pleasant and free.
3) Why did you attend that seminar? I would have called my work and told them, "Fuck that Miss Boss-lady". There is NO way I would chill for 7 hours in a room where NO ONE took a damn shower. I would have said that it is against basic hygiene and environmental laws and if they made me that I would sue them and make Erin Brokovich look like a fucking amateur.
4) Nice job with the KFC chicken...that is the SHIT. Love...love it!
Overall...I am sorry that you had to experience that shit, Dirty Ho.
Cali-Ho
Bitchy's Misadventure
I sowwy homeskillet.....
But I am STILL Laughing at your misfortunes.....
However.....look on the brightside...
1) The hotel looks BEAUTIFUL.....and had you not been in the middle of a hurricane...I bet the sunrise would have been outstanding!
2) You could have always gone commando.....it's sexy.....makes you feel free.....try it one time....
3) And, finally...this is more of a suggestion....next time stop at a licka store along WITH the KFC.....that way you won't care when you see cars flying by your window on the 10th floor.
But I am STILL Laughing at your misfortunes.....
However.....look on the brightside...
1) The hotel looks BEAUTIFUL.....and had you not been in the middle of a hurricane...I bet the sunrise would have been outstanding!
2) You could have always gone commando.....it's sexy.....makes you feel free.....try it one time....
3) And, finally...this is more of a suggestion....next time stop at a licka store along WITH the KFC.....that way you won't care when you see cars flying by your window on the 10th floor.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Dawn's Sad Cousin....Thoughts
OK...first a half basement in Cali will run you a cool half-million...so homeboy is well off by these standards. In the mid-west he would be a bombmaker...in the South, perhaps a moonshiner or crazy taxidermist and in the East...well either a terrible rapper or virgin-fucker. But remember, this fool is ballin' according to Cali real estate...shit, you are considered the dookie if you even have a basement.
Now...with that said...I am however, concerned with his age. Like my twin, I am down with the OB's (Old Balls), however, I am no virgin and Mr. Rogers scares the living shit out of me (COME ON NOW...a grown man that plays with puppets, sports cardigans, plays with trains and worst of all, wears Keds). My bad, back to the issue at hand...I understand why a younger woman would go to an older man for sexual guidance, buuuuuut...there are only 2 (TWO) reasons a guy goes after a virgin: 1) He is a psychotic controlling freak and wants to mold a ho after being her first, because some women, not all...but some, catch some feelings for their first; 2) He has a tiny penis and because she has no experience, she might no the fucking difference between a pork loin and a fruit roll up and he still gets to feel like a man.I have a feeling it is #2.
My advice...take her to a sex shop and MD's Mental Services and EDUCATE this po' hymen-challenged child.
Cali-Ho
Now...with that said...I am however, concerned with his age. Like my twin, I am down with the OB's (Old Balls), however, I am no virgin and Mr. Rogers scares the living shit out of me (COME ON NOW...a grown man that plays with puppets, sports cardigans, plays with trains and worst of all, wears Keds). My bad, back to the issue at hand...I understand why a younger woman would go to an older man for sexual guidance, buuuuuut...there are only 2 (TWO) reasons a guy goes after a virgin: 1) He is a psychotic controlling freak and wants to mold a ho after being her first, because some women, not all...but some, catch some feelings for their first; 2) He has a tiny penis and because she has no experience, she might no the fucking difference between a pork loin and a fruit roll up and he still gets to feel like a man.I have a feeling it is #2.
My advice...take her to a sex shop and MD's Mental Services and EDUCATE this po' hymen-challenged child.
Cali-Ho
Update on the Virgin Cousin
So...I am rockin my aunt and uncle's 25th wedding anniversary party and I am talking to my cuz M and his girl S (both 18) about VC (Virgin Cousins) BF.
COme to find out....according to S, who is reliable cause she is the only one who has seen said BF, since they all worked together.
Soooooo...BF, is 36 years old....VC is 22...NOW I have NOOOOOOOOOO problem with older men....as my friends know...the love of my life was an older man.....
But I do have a problem with a 36 year old man that lives in HALF a basement...yes HALF....fucker can't even rent a WHOLE basement...it is HALF....HALF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What the FUCK?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Ohhhhhh...AND mofo supposedly supplements his income as a "courier" i.e GOPHER for two offices....by working at a liquor store....so S told me...VC can only see BF between 11pm and 1am. Now see...she is a NAIVE virgin...who does not know enough to realize this is a low down shady fucker.....
Ohhhh....and the best part.....S said MOFO looks like a YOUNg Mr Rogers. Good news is......she can hum "Won't you be ...my neighbor..." while she's gettin her eagle on.....
Old Mr Rogers
Young Mr Rogers
COme to find out....according to S, who is reliable cause she is the only one who has seen said BF, since they all worked together.
Soooooo...BF, is 36 years old....VC is 22...NOW I have NOOOOOOOOOO problem with older men....as my friends know...the love of my life was an older man.....
But I do have a problem with a 36 year old man that lives in HALF a basement...yes HALF....fucker can't even rent a WHOLE basement...it is HALF....HALF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What the FUCK?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Ohhhhhh...AND mofo supposedly supplements his income as a "courier" i.e GOPHER for two offices....by working at a liquor store....so S told me...VC can only see BF between 11pm and 1am. Now see...she is a NAIVE virgin...who does not know enough to realize this is a low down shady fucker.....
Ohhhh....and the best part.....S said MOFO looks like a YOUNg Mr Rogers. Good news is......she can hum "Won't you be ...my neighbor..." while she's gettin her eagle on.....
Old Mr Rogers
Young Mr Rogers
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Old People Need Love Too!
http://www.wftv.com/news/9882838/detail.html?subid=22105266&qs=1;bp=t
I am probably going to hell for this one....but it was too good to pass up.
Now....here is the article in a nutshell....but if you follow the link...there is a pic of Gomez (that is what he reminds me of...a Gomez)
ORLANDO, Fla. -- A maintenance worker at an Orange County retirement community was in jail, Tuesday, after he allegedly confessed to raping an 85-year-old woman. Police said there may be even more victims.
A police report indicated that suspect Edwin Cabeza admitted to three sexual encounters with an Alzheimer’s patient at the Lutheran Towers in downtown Orlando, but they have not said if those incidents will lead to more charges.
Fifty-three-year-old Edwin Cabeza was behind bars, Tuesday, with no bond after detectives said he admitted to raping an 85-year-old Alzheimer’s and dementia patient inside her own room.
Detectives believe Cabeza was called into the woman’s room where he then locked the door and had intercourse with her. She recalled parts of the incident and a rape kit test indicated a crime had occurred.
Cabeza is a housekeeper for the facility, but apparently had no business inside the assisted living areas of Orlando Lutheran Towers.
Cabeza has been charged with lewd and lascivious battery on an elderly adult. Detectives are investigating whether Cabeza had contact with any other residents at the facility.
Ok....I will say it....first...if she has dementia...is she SURE a rape occured? Hell maybe that was her boyfriend and she just forgot....I mean who knows....or maybe she said yes and half way through..FORGOT she said yes....I'm just sayin y'all....its dementia and Alzheimer's....bitch might forget a few things of importance like that....
Second...she is 85....hell at 85...I will be GLAD to be getting some.....
I know...I know....I am going to hell...but it will be first class baby....FIRST CLASS!!!
Peace out from B-more bitches!
I am probably going to hell for this one....but it was too good to pass up.
Now....here is the article in a nutshell....but if you follow the link...there is a pic of Gomez (that is what he reminds me of...a Gomez)
ORLANDO, Fla. -- A maintenance worker at an Orange County retirement community was in jail, Tuesday, after he allegedly confessed to raping an 85-year-old woman. Police said there may be even more victims.
A police report indicated that suspect Edwin Cabeza admitted to three sexual encounters with an Alzheimer’s patient at the Lutheran Towers in downtown Orlando, but they have not said if those incidents will lead to more charges.
Fifty-three-year-old Edwin Cabeza was behind bars, Tuesday, with no bond after detectives said he admitted to raping an 85-year-old Alzheimer’s and dementia patient inside her own room.
Detectives believe Cabeza was called into the woman’s room where he then locked the door and had intercourse with her. She recalled parts of the incident and a rape kit test indicated a crime had occurred.
Cabeza is a housekeeper for the facility, but apparently had no business inside the assisted living areas of Orlando Lutheran Towers.
Cabeza has been charged with lewd and lascivious battery on an elderly adult. Detectives are investigating whether Cabeza had contact with any other residents at the facility.
Ok....I will say it....first...if she has dementia...is she SURE a rape occured? Hell maybe that was her boyfriend and she just forgot....I mean who knows....or maybe she said yes and half way through..FORGOT she said yes....I'm just sayin y'all....its dementia and Alzheimer's....bitch might forget a few things of importance like that....
Second...she is 85....hell at 85...I will be GLAD to be getting some.....
I know...I know....I am going to hell...but it will be first class baby....FIRST CLASS!!!
Peace out from B-more bitches!
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Baltimore Ravens vs Oakland Raiders
VS
Ahhh...the match-up of the season....East Coast vs West Coast and I KNOW my twin looooooooooooves the Raiders....and I looooooooooove the Ravens....especially Ray Lewis...his fine ass could tackle me any time...
Ghetto? Yes...yes he is....and I am strangely attracted to his ghetto-ness....
I think its his intesity on the field..can you imagine that intensity in the bedroom??? I can....mmmmmmm....or it could be the way he cleans a mutha-fucka's clock when he tackles...
I don't know...ALL I know...is I would fuck him.....two...three times....hell I want to be his booty call...or girlfriend....whatever he wants
But I completely digress...
This game should KICK ass....and I promise my twin...that I will not gloat if the Ravens win...well....I will TRY not too....
More on the game tomorrow.....
Peace out from B-more bitches....
GO RAVENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!